No Space For Me

October 20, 2003

From a thread at Waterthread

You Only Die A Bazillion
a Star Wars Galaxies novella
by Arcadian Del Sol

All my life, all I ever wanted to be was a transport captain. Now I know what you’re thinking – wouldn’t it be more exicting to be a jedi? and you would be right, were it not for the fact that every single Jedi trainer in the known universe died, and along with them, the secrets to becoming a jedi. My older brother whose penchant for dressing in robes made from black cheesecloth and imitation brown suede left two years ago to become a pilot with the Empire, but he returned not long after, sad and dejected. He came up with some sort of yarn about how the Empire actually didn’t have any space ships, but most of us figured he failed out on the testing. Our family never had the best vision; except our father whose equally poor vision never seemed to slow him down. In fact, it was almost as if he could see better when it was total darkness – as if some keen sensory reflex were at work that none of us really understood. The kind of skill probably that a Jedi Master might have taken an interest in, if we had any Jedi Masters. They all died, too. Or vanished. Or something – the truth is we just dont know.

So I packed some water sandwiches and walked to Mos Eisley to sign up with a frieght company. Then I realized that my brother was telling the truth all along – turns out that the lack of spaceships isn’t a problem unique to the Empire. Turns out that NOBODY has any. With no income and no skills to speak of, I decided to take up womp rat harvesting.

Six days later I found one with a data disk in its jaw pouches. Why it had this here I dont know – It said I needed to learn more about droid engineering, so I sold its bones in the market and used the credits to learn a little bit about engineering. The problem is that I had to make my way to the other side of Tatooine to do it. I soon discovered that not only was there a drought of space ships in the universe, but nobody had any speeders or banthas I could ride.

So I went back home and apologized to my parents for running off to pursue some sort of juvenile dream of adventure and heroism, and resigned myself to the daily duldrum of mineral farming. Don’t feel too bad for me – we do okay. We’ve got 50 factories and a few houses to our name, but sometimes when its late at night and I look up at the stars in the two mooned sky, I can’t help but wonder what might have been if only we had a Jedi Master, or a spaceship, or a land speeder.


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  1. […] Not Star Wars-y Enough – With all these interesting weird ideas running around, very little of the actual personality of the fiction got through. Sure, you could talk to Leia. But they cut so much back at the end of development that there were no mounts, vehicles, Jedi … you couldn’t go into space. In a game with the word star in the title. The infamous You Only Die a Bazillion thread from back in the day summed it up quite nicely. […]

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